


I was feeling insecure, You might not love me anymore

by ardentaislinn



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fitzsimmons Secret Valentine, POV Jemma Simmons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 17:51:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4069111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ardentaislinn/pseuds/ardentaislinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jemma returns from her stint in HYDRA to find just how much things had changed between her and Fitz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I was feeling insecure, You might not love me anymore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lavendergaia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavendergaia/gifts).



Jemma watched Fitz through the glass of the garage, half hidden behind the wall. She hadn’t intended to creep, but had stopped, arrested, by the sight before her.

He was laughing at something Mack had said, the two of them grinning at each other as they tinkered on opposite sides of a large machine. Her heart stuttered at his expression. It had been so long since she had seen such unfettered joy on his face.

Between Jemma getting back from Hydra and Fitz leaving the lab in favour of the garage, she’d seen such palpable misery from him that it was utterly agonising. As nice as it was now was to see him happy, to know that he had found a place where he felt wanted and a sense of belonging, it still hurt that it wasn’t with _her_.

Frustration constantly gnawed at her that Fitz couldn’t see that she’d left for his own good. It had broken something deep within her to leave when he was so vulnerable, but it had _worked_ dammit! He was better!

And yet she was still being blamed for going.

Jemma nearly turned away, leaving Fitz to his new friend. She didn’t want to interrupt and see that precious smile fade from his face at the sight of her. But the thought that she was giving up on Fitz stopped her. She needed to keep fighting.

Just because he had found a new friend - a friend that he seemed to prefer to her company, much to Jemma’s annoyance - didn’t mean that he couldn’t also spend time with her. So, Jemma ignored the fluttering nerves in her gut, straightened her spine and strode in.

Just as she suspected, Fitz’s expression grew somber the instant he caught sight of her. A crack formed in her heart; it felt suddenly more fragile than she could have imagined. The wrench Fitz had been holding dropped from his grip, bouncing against the machine with repeated clanks as it fell to the ground. The sound seemed to echo in the silence as all three stared awkwardly at each other.

“Hi,” Jemma said tentatively, as the lack of talking became increasingly awkward.

“Hi,” Fitz murmured, then swallowed.

“Did you want something?” Mack asked. Jemma eyed him, trying to judge whether he was being defensive or not.

“I just wanted to know what you guys were working on.” Now that _definitely_ sounded defensive.

“Just...just a new project for Coulson,” Fitz stuttered.

She waited for him to elaborate, but apparently that was all he’d planned to say. In a moment of desperation, she looked at Mack, wondering if he’d pick up the conversational ball and keep it rolling. Instead, he just looked at her steadily with a raised brow.

“You want to stay?” Mack asked after a brief moment.

Jemma automatically looked over at Fitz, only to catch the pleading look that he was sending towards Mack. Her heart splintered a little bit more.

“I should...I should leave you both to it,” she murmured regretfully. She half hoped Fitz would speak up, ask her to stay. Instead, his gaze kept flicking between her and Mack, seemingly at a loss.

Deciding it was time to bow out gracefully - for now - Jemma offered them each a tight smile as she backed out the way she’d come.

All the way back to her bunk, Jemma planned her next course of action.

\---

Fitz and Skye were growing closer.

Jemma had noticed it soon after Puerto Rico. They spent so much time together, huddled in partially obscured places and whispering discreetly.

She couldn’t help thinking back to the early days on the bus and Fitz’s obvious crush on Skye. Was this a return of those puppy dog feelings? Whatever it was, it seemed far more serious than that.

The cracks in Jemma’s heart that had begun to heal ripped open once again. A delicate ache began in her chest at the knowledge that she was losing him. It’s not that they hadn’t dated people before - they both had - but he’d never not _told_ her.

He and Skye had a secret that she was excluded from. She couldn’t help but wish she could be a part of it. A part of _them_.

She’d been increasingly isolated. Without Fitz, and now without Skye, she was fast running out of friends she could count on. Ones that wouldn’t exclude her and keep her in the dark.

It was entirely accidental when she walked in on the two of them having one of their intensely private conversations. They stumbled back from each other at her entrance, their conversation immediately ceasing. Jemma let out a startled noise and considered fleeing back the way she’d come. Both of them were staring at her, silent with wide, worried eyes.

“Hi,” Jemma tried, instead. She still wasn’t the type to give up without a fight.

“Hi,” Skye said tentatively, then looked over to Fitz.

Fitz’s eyes travelled from Skye to Jemma and back again.

“What, uh, what are you doing here?”

“Getting supplies,” Jemma replied a little archly. _Really_. What _else_ would one do in a supply closet? Other than hold secret rendezvous, of course.

“Right. Supplies,” Fitz replied helpfully. Jemma rolled her eyes, and stepped forward, trying to squeeze past the two of them.

“Don’t mind me,” she said, as the two continued to stand their in silence. In unison, Fitz and Skye turned towards each other. Their gazes locked, and a frisson of understanding passed between them without a word being said. It was a stark punch in the gut.

She used to communicate with Fitz like that. Once, they had been so in tune with each other that they’d barely needed to use actual words. Now, Skye had taken that position in Fitz’s life, once again knocking Jemma down a position in the hierarchy of importance. First Mack, now Skye.

And she’d been fighting for him. She had! But he just hadn’t seemed to be willing to reciprocate. For the first time Jemma considered the fact that perhaps she had damaged their friendship beyond repair. She had sacrificed it to save his life and sanity.

At that moment, she thought that perhaps it wasn’t a fair trade.

She blindly grabbed something off the shelf in front of her and waved it in false triumph. “Right, I’ll leave you to it, then.”

She fled before either could say anything.

\---

Once Jemma discovered the true purpose of Fitz and Skye’s cabals, she felt such a blinding relief that she wondered at herself. Though, why the thought of her two best friends dating each other was such a source of consternation to her was a question she didn’t know how to answer. At least, not in a way she wanted to hear.

But it was the first step of healing her relationship with them both. Fitz, in particular, thawed towards her. Jemma tried to focus on that, just as she tried not to resent Mack for spending time with Fitz.

It almost worked.

\---

Jemma was halfway through making an afternoon cup of tea when Fitz entered the kitchen. He stumbled slightly when he saw her, but didn’t pause. Jemma grinned at him, perhaps a little wider than necessary. It was just so good to have him back in her life.

Things were still tentative, yes. But they were slowly moving towards an actual, real friendship again. It was the only thing she’d wanted for them.

“Hi,” said Fitz, no hesitation in his voice.

“Hi,” Jemma replied as he sidled up to lean next to her on the kitchen bench. If he was perhaps a little closer than necessary, Jemma didn’t comment. She just got another mug out of the cupboard and placed a teabag in it. She couldn’t help but feel a little thrill of lightning zing through her at the sight of their mugs side by side again. The last of the cracks splintering her heart began to heal over.

“So, Mack wants to know if you want to join us for some beer and video games tonight,” Fitz blurted out. “I know you don’t like him much, but I think if you got to know him-”

“Mack invited me?” Jemma interrupted.

“He wants to get to know you better. Thinks he might have judged you too harshly.”

Jemma was silent for a moment as she considered that unexpected statement. “Alright,” she said with a nod. Fitz beamed.

“Alright,” he agreed. He didn’t move from his spot, just watched her hands move as she prepared their tea.

“Just to be clear, I don’t not like Mack. In fact, I’m really glad he was there for you and helped you heal. I’m glad he could do what I couldn’t.” She smiled, though it felt a little forced, even to her. She blinked unexpected tears away. She stared sightlessly down at the hot mugs in front of her.

Fitz’s hand came down on hers in a comforting gesture. He rubbed his thumb across her knuckles.

“But, Jemma, you _were_ there for me.”

“What?” Her heart thudded, knowing before her mind did that whatever he said next would be significant to them both.

He drew a breath. Jemma itched with impatience.

“I...saw you. While you were gone. Well, a version of you.”

“You...hallucinated me?”

Fitz’s ears turned pink and he nodded.

“So, you confided in an imaginary version of me rather than the actual me?” Jealously crawled through her veins at the thought. All these months of him not speaking to her, and instead he’d been talking to an imaginary version of her? She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She rather suspected she was about to do both.

“I just...I missed you.”

“Oh,” said Jemma. She paused for a moment. She shook off the ridiculous feeling of being jealous of herself.  “I’m sorry that I left the way I did. But I have to say something. I’m not sorry I did it. Because it worked. It was worth every sacrifice.” Her heart was tight with apprehension. Fitz stared at her with wide eyes.

“I know that you did it for the right reasons. It still hurt, but I understand why you did it. But...I don’t think I can do it again. I can’t lose you like that a second time. You’re too important to me.”

Jemma shifted closer to him without conscious thought. “You’re important to me, too, Fitz. More than you could comprehend.”

Fitz subtly moved a few inches in her direction. He licked his lips as his gaze settled on her. “So, can we agree never to leave without warning or explanation again?”

Jemma slid her hand up his arm to rest lightly on the juncture of his neck. She leaned forward.

“I think we can do one better than that, don’t you?” Her breath fanned across his face.

His gaze flickered down to her lips and back up again. Hope and apprehension warred in his gaze.

Taking the risk, Jemma closed the distance between them, pressing her lips against his. He responded instantly, softly, almost reverently.

They moved apart on a sigh. Jemma’s eyes fluttered open.

“Yeah,” he replied with the most roguish grin she’d even seen on his face. “We can definitely do better than that.”

 


End file.
